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Rise of the Quartet of Cartoon Protectors (Part One)
Written By Debra Jonathan, Produced By Debra Jonathan, Directed by Debra Jonathan and Tom McGillis. Storyboard by Tom McGillis, Jennifer Pertsch, Leslie Swan and Rich Moore.



*Scene first shows Mario's house as Mario himself runs out of his panicking as he is late to an invite from Princess Peach. The episode's title and its director, writer, producer, and the storyboard artists are seen as well.*

Mario: "Gah! I'm late! I'm late! The Princess is so a-going to be a-mad!"

*While running late, Alice from Alice in Wonderland sees the plumber run*

Alice: "Oh, Mr. Mario, whatever are you late for?"

Mario:  "Not now Alice! Really late! Princess needs me!" *runs off*

Alice: "Oh that Mario. He always needs to be with Princess Peach. Right Dinah?"

Dinah: *meows*
*Mario is seen running, he even starts to pant and sweat*

Mario: "Oh late! Late! So a-late!"

*Pinkie Pie sees the plumber*

Pinkie Pie: "Oh hey Mario! What's up?"

Mario: "Not now Pinkie Pie! I'm late for Peach!"

Pinkie Pie: *gasps* "IS SHE KIDNAPPED AGAIN?! I'LL SHOW THAT BIG DUMB MEANIE BOWSER A THING OR TWO!"

Mario: "What? No! I'm just late to see her! Bye!" *runs off*

Pinkie Pie: *confused, but then smiles* "Okay bye!" *bounces off*

*Mario then runs more*
Mario: "First Alice, then Pinkie Pie. Who else is gonna stop-"*crashes into Duncan and falls* "Me?"

*Duncan turns around and laughs, but stops*

Duncan: "Mario! Just the guy I needed!"

*Mario gets up*

Mario: *groans "What you a-want Duncan?"

Duncan: "I need the payback." *hands out hand* "From last time."

*Flashback shows Courtney being held captured by King Boo and his Boo minions*

Courtney: "HELP! LET ME GO!"

Duncan: "So not saving her." *looks at Mario*

Mario: *sighs* "Fine.

*Flashback ends*

Mario: "So I'd helped saved your ex-girlfriend. Big deal is?"

Duncan: "The deal is if you helped me saved Courtney. *disgusts* I hate saying that. You would pay me back!"

Mario: "I'll pay you back later! I have no time!"

Duncan: "No, I want it now!"

Mario: "Aren't you coming to the Cartoon Party tonight?"

Duncan: "Not if Courtney's going to be there!"

Mario: *groans angst* "Fine!" *throws various coins at him and runs* *shouts* "Pauline and I broke up, yet we're friends!"

*Mario then makes it to The Mushroom Kingdom*

Mario: "Finally here, hopefully Princess Peach is not mad at me." *goes up to the castle and knocks*

*Peach's voice is heard*

Peach: "Coming! Mario is that you?"

Mario: *half nervous, half well* "Yes, a-Princess, it's a-me Mario."

Peach: *chuckles* "Mario, you can always call me Peach. I'll be there." *makes to the door* "Mario! Welcome!"

*Mario comes in the castle*

Mario: "Oh thank you Peach, I'm sorry for being late. I was a-busy."

Peach: "Oh, it's okay. You actually got here a little early too. Luckily, Luigi hasn't started the food yet."

Mario: "Really?"

Peach: "Yeah, you two brothers just can't go one day without cooking Italian food together."

Mario: *chuckles* "Yeah. Say, where is everyone?"

Peach: "Ironically speaking, all in the kitchen. Waiting for you."

Mario: "Really? Thanks Peach." *goes in and sees Luigi, Daisy, Toad, Yoshi, Toadette, DK, and Rosalina.*

Mario: "Hey guys!"

Luigi, Daisy, Toad, Yoshi, Toadette, DK, and Rosalina: "Hi Mario!"

Luigi: "Mario, we're you late again?"

Mario: "Yeah, sorry guys, I was busy with something and got caught off."

Daisy: "Really? What were you busy with?"

Mario: "Well," *blushes soft*

Daisy: *notices the blushing* "Well what? You hiding something?"

Mario: "Well, sort of."

Daisy: "Sort of? I call bull mushroom! You're blushing!"

Mario: *turns red* "Okay, you a-caught me red faced! But you all must keep it a secret."

Yoshi: "Yoshi!" (We will.)

Mario: "Good." *leans forward* I wanna show this to Peach. *reveals to the group a handmade locket shaped like a heart with Peach's crown on it.*

Everyone: *praises it*

Toad: "So pretty!"

Toadette: "The Princess will love it!"

Rosalina: "Indeed she will."

Mario: "Thanks guys."

Luigi: "Anytime. So, what's it in."

Mario: "Oh nothing, but a proposal."

*Everyone gasps*

Daisy: "A proposal? Mario, as much as sweet that is since you love Peach, are you crazy?"

DK:  "Grooollo! " (Toadsworth's gonna kill you!)

Mario: "Look, I know it's shocking, but I really do. I'd been waiting this moment for a long time since Peach and I went out."

Daisy: "Yeah behind her guardian's back. Mario, you're going to die!"

Mario: "Yes I know, but Peach told she's going tell Toadsworth once tonight at the party."

Daisy: "Uh huh, tonight at the party. WHICH MAKES IT WORSE!"

Luigi: "You know how a-bad this is going to turn out Mario?"

Toad: "Toadsworth's going to blow like a bob-omb!"

Everyone starts to agree and argue with Mario*

Mario: "Look everyone please, but still. Peach and I been planning this for a long time, even when we started dating. We promised as soon as we get the right time to tell Toadsworth that we are dating, we will. And we chose the party to do so. Look guys, Peach and I love each other as much as Romeo and Juliet and Jack and Sally and I don't know, Mike and Zoey of Total Drama? But still, we're going to tell Toadsworth how we feel and how will always feel. Even if he disapproves of it, we're going to tell him. So I hope you all understand."

*Everyone is quiet until Daisy speaks*

Daisy: "Eh, at least you guys are a better love story than Twilight."

Luigi: "Isn't that Peeta and Katniss?"

Daisy: "No Luigi, that's The Hunger Games! Geez, get your girlfriend's favorite and least favorite books right."

Luigi: "Sorry."

*Peach appears*

Peach: "Hello guys, sorry for not appearing early, but I forgot where I placed my card speech, but then I found them on my dresser. Anyways, let's get going." *takes out her cards and reads them.* "Fellow friends of mine, it's such great honor to have you all here tonight for welcoming the new cartoons after they're appearance last year, two thousand and twelve.."

*Everyone seems to like it. Minutes passed and Peach is almost done.*

Peach: "So thank you characters of cartoons, comics, video games, movies and all for coming!"

*Everyone claps*

Mario: *claps* "Good a-job a-Peach!"

Luigi: "Yeah, that was great!"

Daisy: "Woo! Peachy rules!"

Peach: "Oh thanks guys, I'm flattened. It's just that it's been my first time hosting The Cartoon Party since nineteen ninety nine and I'm just so anxious since I forgot what we usually do."

Mario: "Relax Peach, it's a-okay. You have us."

Rosalina: "You do indeed. You'll do very fine tonight at the party."

Peach: *smiles* Right, we all now to do is get the food and decorations really."

*They all nod in agreement. Just so, Bowser is seen spying on them in a crystal ball and is angry.*

Bowser: "So, it's they're turn again hosting that stupid Cartoon Party that us villains ever get invited to since we're on the bad side of the world huh? Well, not this time!" *stomps angrily as Bowser's assistant, Kamek looks scared.*

Kamek: "Why sir Bowser, what makes you this angry?"

Bowser: "Kamek, don't you see? I'm tired of how every year we villains get rejected for The Cartoon Party every year! Just look at Wreck It Ralph! He's a villain, yet he's going to go since he's new and he's the movie's hero instead! This is ridiculous!"

Kamek: "And you're point is?"

Bowser: "My point is Kamek, that we villains are no longer going to be the literally butt of the joke anymore to those cartoon heroes! Tonight, we're going to throw the party. Tonight, we're going to be the guest of honor. Tonight, WE'RE GOING TO RULE THE WORLD THE WAY WE WANTED TO AFTER THESE YEARS OF REJECTION!" *calms down* "We may have fans, but tonight, the tables turn. And I got the best villains to help me." *evil laughs* "Bring it on Mushroom Crew."

*Back at Peach's castle, Peach is showing everyone her party dress.*

Peach: "And here's my party dress." *a light pink sparkling dress that's sleeveless and has a v-shaped liner.*

Daisy: "Beautiful."

Luigi: "I agree."

Mario: "I think we all do"

Peach: "Thanks guys, I knew you would like it. I just brought it last week and knew I had to choose it for the party! Who wants to see the shoes, gloves, and matching jewelry for it?"

Toadette: "I know I do!"

Peach: "Alrighty!" *shows them white pearl earrings/necklace, long opera pink gloves, and shoes.*

Mario: "Now that spells beautiful."

Peach: *blushes* "Where would I be without you friends?"

*They all laugh. Bowser spies on them again*

Bowser: "Oh, anything Princess Peach. Anywhere from tonight; since I now have the greatest, powerful, and strongest villains that can now work with me for tonight! Time for revenge heroes!" *starts evil laughing, Kamek comes in.* "Are they here?"

Kamek: "Yes Master Bowser, they are here. Waiting for you."

Bowser: "Perfect;" *back at the crystal ball* "Get ready Mushroom Crew, for the worst night of your lives! NEXT TO THE GALAXY ADVENTURES! *laughs even more evil*

*It's nighttime now and every fictional character is at Peach's castle celebrating the party. Even the new characters like the Brave/Wreck It Ralph cast, the Littlest Pet Shop cast, the Total Drama Revenge of the Island cast and Skeita Calaveras and Jinafire Long of Monster High. Mario and his friends seem to be having a good time.*

Mario: "Everything's going perfect! Just look how many characters are here!"

Luigi: "Everyone comes here Mario, after all, our motto is-"

Everyone: "Every cartoon is every friend. No matter who they are."

Mario: "Exactly true."

*Duncan and Courtney appear*

Duncan: "Yeah, if you say it that way."

Courtney: "Agree. Going to a party where I meet this monster who ruined me was a big mistake."

Mario: *sighs* "Hi Duncan and Courtney, what do you want?"

Duncan: "Just here to say, one, thank you for the payback, and two, why do we have that stupid motto even though  the irony is most of us have rivals and enemies?"

Courtney: "Especially this enemy!"

Duncan: "I'm the enemy? You physically abused me!"

Courtney: "You backstabbed me!"

Duncan: "AND YOU DIDN'T!"

Mario: *angered* "Stop it" *calms down* "First of all, quit fighting! It's a party for goodness' sake. At least control yourselves. Second of all, the reason you two is that  some times we may not like each other, just like how Wario and I don't like each other, but we know at times if we need to work together, we have to. You and Harold did the same right?"

Duncan: "At times yes, but still. We hate each other."

Courtney: "Ditto."

Mario: "Yes, but you need to see the point Duncan and Courtney. No matter how much rivals and I prefer rivals by the way, we need to care about each other because one day, that rival you don't like or one of you guys can end up being hurt or even worse, dead and you might feel regret bullying that rival."

Duncan+Courtney: "Uh...uh…"

Mario: *facepalms*

Duncan: "We're gonna go now."

Courtney: "Fine by me." *walks away*

Duncan: *annoyed* "I wasn't talking to you!" *walks off*

Luigi: "Oh boy."

*The My Little Pony and Pokemon group are by each other, chatting.*

Ash: "Those two will never get along anymore."

Pikachu: "Pika." (Yeah)

Twilight: "Yeah, there's no denial in that."

Brock: "Anyways, tell us about yourselves."

*The Ponies begin to chat with the Pokemon group, outside Bowser and the villains are seen outside hiding in disguised.*

Bowser: "Hope those heroes will be ready to have the best time of their lives since I got the villains that can help me with my biggest revenge ever." *laughs evil* "Get ready Mario, get ready."

Heather: *appearing now* "You sure got that Bowser. You're still gonna pay me right?"

Bowser: "Yes, just wait."

Heather: *groans* "Fine."

Jessie: *now appearing* "Why James, Meowth, and I don't need money. We just wanna show those little brat so-called trainers a lesson or two."

James: "And maybe a capture a Pokemon or two."

Meowth: "And maybe we can catch them all."

*The three laugh*

Queen Chrysails: "I don't need money and capturing, when I have my changelings with me." *she and her changelings laugh*

King Sombra: *snares* "I have my shadows."

Bowser: "Okay, okay we get it. We have our powers. Stay put until Kamek tells us."

Everyone: "Right."

*Peach is seen upstairs in her bedroom looking in a mirror practicing her way to speak to Toadsworth.*

Peach: "Toadsworth, I know you may explosive once I say this, but please don't explosive but Mario and I are, no that's not good." *takes a deep breath* "Toadsworth, I must say this now and right now. I'm dating Mario and I love him and you can't, no that's too rebellious. Oh Peachy, how could you? This is your guardian! The one that raised you since you were an infant and, oh what will I do?" *hears a knock* "Come in!"

*Toadsworth comes in*

Toadsworth: "Hello dear."

Peach: "Toadsworth hello!"

Toadsworth: "How are you? You ready?"

Peach: "Very indeed."

Toadsworth: "Good, our new cast from last year is ready too and they had been waiting. Come on."

Peach: "Right," *they walk downstairs.* *Peach's mind* "Come on Peach, you can do it. Toadsworth may be your guardian, but you're going to tell him once and for all. Mario is my true love, Mario is my loved one, my soul mate and he can't do anything about it." *takes a deep breath*

Toadsworth: "Nervous?"

Peach: "Uh, big time."

Toadsworth: *smiles and takes her hand* "It's okay, I'm here for you."

Peach: *smiles, in mind* "Oh, I can't tell him. This is my guardian! The only parent I have since mom and dad's deaths. Oh, what can I do?"

*They make it down. Toadsworth goes to the stage and speaks in the microphone.*

Toadsworth: "Ladies and gentlemen, cartoons, comics, video games, movie characters of all, welcome to this year's Cartoon Party of two thousand and thirteen!"

*Everyone cheers*

Toadsworth: "Now as we all know how the party goes, first I hope you enjoy the food that us Mario characters made for you all, especially by the Mario Brothers themselves, Mario and Luigi!" *everyone cheers for them* "Secondly, our host now explains his or her speech about the party and what has explained this year and what are new characters now welcomed to this world!" *everyone claps* "So, with furthermore, please welcome the famous Mario Princess and our host, Princess Peach Toadstool!"

*Everyone cheers as Peach comes on stage.*

Peach: "Fellow friends of mine, it's such great honor to have you all here tonight for welcoming the new cartoons after they're appearance last year, two thousand and twelve."

*Everyone cheers. Kamek  calls up Bowser.*

Kamek: "It's almost time Koopa."

Bowser: "Perfect, get ready everyone, time for revenge."

*Back at the party, Peach still says her speech.*

Peach: "We had a lot of new cartoons come throughout the years like the ponies of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, *the ponies are shown* the humans and trolls of Homestuck, *the humans/trolls are seen* and of course, a lot from Disney. Speaking of Disney, Disney has released two new films last year, who happen to be tonight's new characters to appear!

*Everyone appears, making Kamek call the signal.*

Kamek: Now!

*All of Bowser's allies and Bowser himself quickly seek inside the party.*

Peach: "So with that said, I want you to meet,"

*Bowser appears on screen and uses his powers to take control of the speakers.*

Peach: "Our new characters of two thousand and twelve." *Bowser. takes control now, shocking everyone*

Bowser: "As our guest of the party, King Bowser Koopa and the villain crew!

*Bowser and the villains  fully appear now, which shocks and scares everyone.*

Peach: "Bowser! What are you-"

Bowser: "Taking over the party Princess. All of us." *snap fingers and the villains of My Little Pony, Total Drama, Mario, and Pokemon, all appear crashing the party, uses their strength to break and destroy everything and scaring off the others.*

Applejack: "Twilight, shouldn't we-"

Twilight: "I know what to do Applejack. Find the elements! Come on Spike!" *waits* "Spike?" *turns around and sees her friends all being helped captured by Kamek's magic.* "Let go of my friends!" *uses her magic on him, but Kamek's magic is too powerful for hers, blasting her off and knocking her unconscious.*

Spike: "Twilight!"

Kamek: "Better luck next time." *takes Twilight's friends held captured and flies off.*

*Chrysalis's changelings surround the Total Drama group, shapeshifting into them and confusing them.*

Owen: "Gah, who's who's?"

Duncan: "Just watch out and fight to find the real ones!"

*They do so*

Gwen: *fights off a few changelings, but the trouble starts once more come in.* "Oh boy!"

Courtney: "First this stupid party, now you guys! You won't get away!" *fights a lot of them off viciously until a similar voice appears.*

Alejandro: "Hello old friends." *He and Heather appear smile evil*

All: "ALEJANDRO AND HEATHER?!"

Gwen: "What do you guys want now?"

Alejandro: "Oh nothing,"

Heather: "But some revenge!"

Courtney: "For what?!"

Heather: "We can't tell you, but our friend Dry Bowser and King Sombra can!" *they snap their fingers and Dry Bowser and King Sombra's shadows appear and captures everyone but Duncan.*

Duncan: "Guys!"

*Heather and Alejandro laugh*

Heather: "Welcome to the next level Duncan!" *She and Alejandro reveal their powers by using a heart-shaped crystal which gains their energy and dark power and blasts it hard on Duncan.*

Courtney, Gwen, Geoff, Bridgette, Trent, Owen, DJ: "DUNCAN!"

*Team Rocket appears*

Jessie: "Prepare for trouble!"
James: "Make it double!"
Jessie: "To protect the world from devastation!"
James:  "To unites all peoples within our nation!"
Jessie: "To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
James: "To extend our reach to the stars above!"
Jessie: "Jessie!"
James: "James!"
Jessie: "Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!"
James: "Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"
Meowth: "Meowth, that's right!"

Jessie: "The motto may be old, but we still love it! Besides, Debra's watching the original season, so yeah."

Ash: "You think you can get ready this time Team Rocket? Every since the original series, we'd always beaten you!"

Pikachu: "Pika!" (Yeah!)

Jessie: "Hm, is that a challenge?"

James: "I bet it is." *They snicker*

Jessie: "Arbok, dig!

James: "Weezing, poison gas!"

*Both Pokemon obey. Arbok digs as Weezing sprays. The Pokemon group then coughs and can't see.*

Brock: "Is everyone okay?"

Misty: "Yeah, just- *screams as Arbok pulls her down*

Brock: "Misty?" *gets pulled down too*

Ash: "Brock? Misty?" *gets pulled down too only leaving Pikachu.*

Pikachu: "Pika? Pikapee!" (Huh? Where is everyone? Help!)

*Scene shows that Arbok now has Misty, Brock, and Ash all tied up.*

Jessie: "Looks like we're not done yet."

James: "I got this. Weezing poison gas again."

*Weezing sprays poison gas again, causing Pikachu to get knocked out. Scene switches to Princess Celestia and Luna both fighting off Queen Chrysalis.*

Celestia: "We won't let you get away with this!"

*Kamek returns with the ponies, pleasing Chrysalis*

Chrysalis: "Oh, really now? Explain this now."

*Celestia and Luna look up and gasped. Alejandro and Heather appear.*

Alejandro: "We'll take care of this now." *He and Heather use the crystal Bowser gave them earlier.*

Celestia: *gasps* A Heart Crystal. Luna, quickly get everyone out of here as fast as you can!

Luna: "Right sister!" *flies and tries to save everyone, but the villains now all use their heart crystal to gain control of almost everyone they gotten. Which makes them weaker and the villains more powerful.*

"Wreck It" Ralph: "Can't. Even. Wreck. Things." *collapses*

*Mario and Peach try to help everyone at, but Sombra's shadow hoof takes Peach.*

Peach: *screams*

Mario: "Peach!"

Bowser: "It's too late Mario. We won now." *sees that most of everyone has now been weakened and or held captured.*

Mario: "You may have done worse things in the a-past Bowser, but this crosses the line!"

Bowser: "Hm, it does huh? Sad to here, yet I don't care."

Mario: *enraged* "YOU BETTER PAY FOR ALL THE DAMAGED YOU CAUSE YOU LIZARD BREATH!"

Bowser: "Oh what? Ever since our year of rivalry, I'd been never afraid of you. As in never! You think I'm gonna listen to a shrimp plumber like you? Trust me Mario, if I were you I would just give up right now. I have an army and your friends, and you got nothing now. Come to think of it, your buddy Duncan is right. Why do you guys have that motto is you guys just have rivals ironically?"

*Duncan appears after being blasted from Heather, he's clearly injured, yet strong enough to gain control over it. He's also almost as enraged as Mario*

Duncan: "First of all, I'm not his buddy, secondly, you may be like me, but you're like me. Which brings me to number three; honestly I'm not a party lover as much as my boy Geoff, but seriously. There's a reason we have this party, so stupid people like you don't have to crash it and I guess we do have this motto for a reason. Honestly, you're way worse than me, you're horrible than me, and you just did crossed the line!"

Heather: "Hypocritically speaking Duncan, aren't you the delinquent?" *Duncan sees Heather*

Duncan: "Heather, every since you appeared here, I knew I smell something horrible when the party started coming a disaster."

Heather: "Duncan, Duncan, Duncan, just like your stupid little motto, there's a reason we crashed this party. Unlike you, who's only the neutral character, we're the villains who all want the same thing: power."

Alejandro: "And we gotten tired of all the years you heroes do to us in fiction! Always putting us down!"

Jessie: "It's time we villains get the fun and power we deserved!"

Meowth: "Just like with the Disney Villains, it's our House of Villains. But better."

All Villains: "And it's time now for you to be put down this time!"

*The villains then combine their heart crystals together as one and use it to blast the plumber and delinquent hard until they collapse unconscious.*

Peach: "NO! MARIO!"

Luigi: "Our friends!"

Gwen: "You did cross the line! All of you!"

Courtney: "Agree!"

Heather: "It was our plan."

*They all laugh, annoying the friends*

Bowser: "Oh come on, it's not that bad."

Peach: "Not that bad? YOU JUST KNOCKED OUT FOUR OF OUR GREATS  FRIENDS UNCONSCIOUSNESS AND THAT'S ALL YOU CAN SAY! BOWSER, HEATHER, ALEJANDRO, TEAM ROCKET, QUEEN CHRYSALIS, KING SOMBRA, AND ALL OF YOU VILLAINS! YOU GUYS ARE HORRIBLE PEOPLE!"

Bowser: "AND WE STILL DON'T CARE! YOU THINK WE'RE GONNA LISTEN TO A LITTLE BRAT LIKE YOU! Come on gang, let's go have a real party, and teach these heroes brats how to party."

Victims: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

*The villains and victims all exit out of the now-destroyed party. Camera then zooms in the completely destroyed party to where Mario, Twilight, Duncan and Pikachu are all unconscious on the floor.*

To be continued.
Finally! It's finished! THE FIRST EVER EPISODE OF THE QUARTET OF CARTOON PROTECTORS! :happybounce:

Sorry for this being very long though, I wanted it to be very special like other two-part episodes like the first episodes of Friendship is Magic and other shows with two part episodes. XD

Also, I had to study for a History final tomorrow, I wanted to edit things in/out and laziness sucks. 8C

And for background information: Back in my imagination, every time I get into a new show, I'd always had that imaginary friend be part of my group where we stop evil and save dreams(which I'd mentioned before) and the cartoons would be friends for one another, yet be rivals sometimes or most of the time. That explains the motto Mario explains. :meow:

Also, during Luigi and Daisy's dialogue after Mario explains why he wants to propose to Peach, I couldn't help but reference to Twilight and The Hunger Games! :rofl: Luigi, you can be an idiot at times, but we love you. You're the Goofy of Mario. :meow:

Oh, and yes, this might piss a few people off, but I had to make Duncan and Courtney hate each other. The show takes place after TDWT obviously and I also wanted to stick with both the story lines of my fandom and my imagination both.

But don't worry, foreshadowing this event, they will become allies later on in the show. You'll just have to wait. ;3


"Will Bowser and the lead of villains be stopped? Find out tomorrow on the next episode of: The Quartet of Cartoon Protectors! Rise of the Quartet of Cartoon Protectors! Part Two!"


Comment, fave, and add critiques if you like! :iconimhappyplz:

Enjoy~!:D
Mario, Pokemon-Nintendo
Total Drama-Teletoon
My Little Pony-Hasbro
Everything Else-Rightful Owners
QOCP-Me!

BTW, no Jonathan is not my last name. It's my fictional last name I use if in fictional. Sorry but I don't like revealing my last name online. ^^;
Add a Comment:
 
:iconchibifangirl01:
Hi, me again, here for another critique.

I felt lost and confused reading this. As a screen writer you must explain everything from scenes to action. Your transitions are not the greatest. For example Mario is talking to Alice and the Duncan shows up, where the hell did he come from? And now we are at Bowser's layer. You need a smooth transition for example:

(The scene transitions to Bowser's layer where the other villains are located. Its a dark place with an 8 bit volcano in the background)

I'm going to go all Nostalgia Critic on you (if you don't know who that is, look him up) "Explain author, explain!"

Next this world make sense. Do they know they are cartoons? If so how do all these worlds merge without any confusion?

Next another pet peeve of mine; self inserts that get put in the wrong place or the wrong story. I hate it when authors make cameos or get mentioned in their own story because it looks....babyish.

Next I'm confused about whose a hero and whose a villain. Are Heather and Team Rocket villains? Because they made awful villains in their own show to begin with. TDI had no villains and for Pokemon I'd recommend using one of the bosses from the movie or another team or Giovanni because Jessie and James are failure villains. It would make sense if they were trying to be part of Team Evil but couldn't but its not.

Also I may nitpick here but Cartoon Party shouldn't be capitalized unless it is a title like Peach's Fantaboulous Cartoon Party.

Lastly, its just me but these jokes just aren't that funny. Maybe because I'm somewhat older than you and have a more sophisticated comedy style. Its just a nitpick, you can write your own style.

Now lets talk about the good things; I do get the Saturday Morning Cartoon vibe from your writing from all the charters and all the childish jokes and all the settings.

Keep up in your writing!
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:iconbritishgirl2012:
Britishgirl2012 Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013  Student Artist
Very cool. =D
Reply
:iconchoco-latte-squirrel:
choco-latte-squirrel Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks.
Reply
:iconbritishgirl2012:
Britishgirl2012 Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013  Student Artist
You're welcome. =)
Reply
:iconay6:
Ay6 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Student Filmographer
Nice job,Deb.:)
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:iconchoco-latte-squirrel:
choco-latte-squirrel Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks. c:
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:iconay6:
Ay6 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Student Filmographer
you're welcome,Deb.I'm still keeping your promise to see your episodes.
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:iconchoco-latte-squirrel:
choco-latte-squirrel Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
That's good. :)
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:iconay6:
Ay6 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Student Filmographer
Here is something for you as a reward for something you've done was right [link]
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:iconchoco-latte-squirrel:
choco-latte-squirrel Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks.
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:iconay6:
Ay6 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Student Filmographer
you're welcome:)
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